“In Space No One Can Hear You Scream.” On earth it’s a different story and that scream I hear inside my head is that of my expectations crumbling midway through Prometheus that this film will in any way be coherent, imaginative, or transporting. The first sign of the disaster that is about to unfold before me on the screen is the name of Damon Lindelof, one of the Lost writers responsible for perpetrating the biggest hoax ever executed on television. Like Lost, Prometheus is a grab bag of biblical, mythological and philosophical mumbo jumbo that amounts to nothing. Ultimately, though the blame must rest with director Ridley Scott who is the captain of this grounded ship.

The basic plot of the movie is that two scientists have found universal symbols across the globe that point to a common creator or God, although the word God is never uttered in the film. That would take guts and one of the big problems with the story is that it lacks any conviction or point of view. But, I digress much like the movie.

The scientists Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) are a couple and somehow have convinced an eccentric, old billionaire to fund an expedition to the outer reaches of space in search of this creator. When one member of the nondescript crew asks why they are all supposed to ignore thousands of years of Darwinism based on a handful of cave paintings Shaw answers because “we choose to.” Sorry, but the guy is right. The premise of the expedition and the movie is complete nonsense. There isn’t one element in this movie that makes any sense, from the actions of the characters, to the plot twists, to the ending.

The reason that we can suspend disbelief with great science fiction is that there is reality rooted within the fantastical elements. Not one single thing in Prometheus seems real. The crew is generic and has no personality. Charlize Theron as Meredith Vickers the corporate heavy has no real purpose. Rapace and Marshall-Green have no chemistry and are not believable as a couple. Idris Elba is the cocky captain Janek but he’s given little to do. An entire cast of talented actors is wasted in this movie and they all do their best with their underdeveloped stock characters.

Michael Fassbender as David continues the great tradition of lifelike synthetics started by Ian Holm in Alien and followed by Lance Henriksen in Aliens. He rises above the material and gives a wicked performance with just enough emotional nuance to make you wonder if there isn’t some humanity in him after all.

There is one great scene in the movie. Unfortunately, nothing that comes before it or after matches the level of that scene. A lot more stuff happens that bores me and I won’t in turn bore you by repeating it in print.

Please don’t waste your precious two hours on Prometheus and if you must see for yourself, don’t pay to see this in 3D or Imax. You’ve been warned.

P.S. It was recently announced that Ridley Scott is working on a new Blade Runner film. I will not be in the audience for that one. I’ll be watching one of the many great movies he’s already given us and that I’ll continue to see again and again.

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