I used to love Desperate Housewives but I tuned into an early episode of season seven to find that the show itself is now desperate. There were signs of fatigue last season with the ridiculous Katherine pseudo lesbian storyline that appeared out of nowhere and just as quickly and awkwardly disappeared. Where is Katherine? Somewhere off in the Wisteria Lane dimension called “characters we didn’t know what to do with.” The show, which once had a great mix of drama, intrigue, and sharp, edgy humor with moments of real emotion, has become a bad soap opera cliché.

Felicity Huffman’s Lynette, whose character has always been a bit strident, has been turned into a totally unlikeable shrew who seems to exist only to emasculate her husband, Tom and nag her children, two of whom, by the way, are old enough to have moved out already. For some inexplicable reason, Vanessa Williams joined the cast as Lynette’s frenemy, Renee whose sole purpose for being around seems to be to spout sarcastic comments. The long-suffering, whipped Tom has male post-partum depression; a condition he wouldn’t have if he and Lynette had actually ever learned to use birth control.

Eva Longoria Parker’s Gaby and Teri Hatcher’s Susan are in competition for the silliest storyline of the season. Gaby and Carlos’s daughter, Juanita was supposedly switched at birth. Yes, they went there; to the soap opera playbook trump card—switched at birth. It won’t be long before the demon possessed baby shows up. When Gaby discovers that Juanita is a different blood type than she and Carlos she thinks it’s because she must have gotten drunk and cheated on him. Enter the painfully unfunny scene where she pretends she has a condition called sexsomnia, which causes you to throw yourself at men in your sleep. Meanwhile, Susan and Mike are struggling financially. Instead of treating this as the real problem it is, it’s turned into a far-fetched farce when Susan takes on a job as a sexy, lingerie clad housecleaner for an internet site. We’re supposed to be laughing but it’s just plain sad to see Teri Hatcher wiggling around in a nightie and pushing around a vacuum. Susan’s ditziness, which is meant to be endearing has simply become tedious.

Back on Wisteria Lane, the still uptight Bree is attracted to her new contractor, so much so that in another ouch moment she runs over Juanita while backing out of her driveway. Ever the perfectionist, Bree can’t admit she is lusting after the younger, hunky contractor and she fires him. Of course, we already know she will rehire him and a romance will ensue.

The problem is I’m no longer interested. Sorry, Desperate Housewives I’m breaking up with you. No more season pass but we can still be friends.

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